As if an abandoned candle left on
a window seal, growing cold from
the cool, harsh winds.
As if someone attempting to light
a wickless candle.
As if walking up to a homeless man
begging him for money, knowing he
will leave you too, empty handed.
I am mentally and emotionally drained.
My heart and mind are at a loss for words.
I question why I was vulnerable when
all it led to was just another dead end.
I once knew what I wanted but now I
haven't got a clue.
When I lift my head and see the vast,
blue, beautiful skies, all I see are
grey clouds and a lot of empty space.
I knew my mouth could frown but I
did not know my heart was capable
to frown too.
I struggle daily fighting against not
accepting the truth that you are no
longer a part of my life anymore. It
feels as if we never met. As if a candle
candle burning for hours, then within
seconds diminished after one big blow.
I refuse to process this because I
cannot handle it. My health does not have
the capacity to process anymore pain,
stress, or loss at this time in my life. For the
last couple of months have been drenched in it.
How can something so good,
happy, and beautiful dissipate
so fast?
It hurts me how you gave up on us.
It hurts me how you haven't reached out once.
A part of me wishes you'd just pick up the
phone and call me or show up on your motorcycle,
begging for us to get back together, but I tell myself
this is foolish because I know you won't do either.
Another part of me doesn't want you to
because it has already been unbearable the
way things are.
I miss your laugh. I miss your smile and scent.
I miss the way our hands perfectly fit together.
I miss the way you'd embrace me. Your gentle
touch made me feel safe, loved, and cherished.
You had the power to make the entire world stop.
Devastatingly, things began to change overtime.
Compliments became few, initiative died out, and
the L word stopped being used. I guess I will never
know if you got scared or allowed yourself to get
lost in the maze of your own mind. Regardless, I
wouldn't trade any of it for a thing in the world.
I find myself wanting to talk to you
often, wanting to tell you about my day.
Did you know I cut my hair? Did you know
I am still fighting against my health daily?
Did you know I am going to pick up classes
again?
I don't know where you are or what
you're doing but all I know is that what
we had, I never experienced it with anyone
else.
I did not know I could love someone
so intensely and loyally the way I loved
you.
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