Expectations

I began counting down the days.

The shorter the timeline grew, the more

I realized that just a matter of days, I

finally would get an answer.

This answer would either excel my

life, giving me hope or only being a

major dissappointment.

Over a million thoughs bombarded

my thoughts. What if it is worse that

I thought? What if there is no cure or

treatment? What if all along, it was

nothing?

To prepare myself, I diligently

prayed. I told myself over and

over that whatever happened, I

trusted God. I was prepared for

either good news or bad.

When we arrived, I thought I'd

never fall asleep, knowing my first

appointment was the following morning.

The hotel was exceptional. It was

clean, comfortable and a friendly

environment for the sick and disabled.

The food was delicious. I practically had

the same thing all week for breakfast,

coffee, three mini waffles with choc chips

and whipped cream with eggs.

The Mayo Clinic Hospital is large and

magnificent. Though this was not me

first time here, it felt quite different being

here for myself.

Every wall contained its own colored

hallway, plant decor and beautiful

paintings. It was a very relaxing, calming

place. It was finally time for me to meet

my doctor. Little did I know, I was not

going to get an answer I hoped for.

After meeting with the doctor for an

hour she wanted to do a lab and

schedule an EEG. She was a great

listener and was quite concerned hearing

about my many NES. Unfortunately, she

could not give me an answer. I felt I

was ready for everything but this.

My mom and I stayed a week. Every

day we prayed someone would cancel

their EEG so I could get mine done. There

was a cancellation and I was able to be seen.

We then began to hope I'd be able to

be seen by a neurologist. Thursday and

Friday passed, no cancelations. We had

stayed at a hotel for a week. Therefore,

we could not keep staying, having to

continuously pay.

At this point not only was I discouraged

by not being able to be seen after we

had drove all this way, but the EEG showed

absolutely nothing. We left the next day.

I felt defeated, disappointed and quite

discouraged. I thought to myself, I

came all this way to find out nothing? My

mind and spirit quickly spiraled into negativity.

Though it did not go how I expected, I

reminded myself of three truths. First,

I was just given a referral about a month

ago. All of my papers and medical history

had to be organized and sent off to a clinic.

The day after we retrieved those papers,

we got a call from the Mayo Clinic in FL

that there was a cancelation.

We were able to drop everything, pack

and make arrangements to head out

within the next day. Second, I was able to

get an EEG immediately because someone

cancelled. Third, I was able to get into the

system of one of the best Research hospitals

in the country.

I still have yet to get answers and a

diagnosis but I can cling to the fact that

I will be seen again. When the time is

right, I will get answers.