Countdown

As of today, it is 16 days prior.

My family and I will travel six hours

to get answers.

After months of struggling health-

wise, not many doctors have been

able to help me. My pulmonologist has

been the most helpful. At this point, he

has referred me to a research hospital.

I was able to get an appointment at the

Mayo Clinic, in Jacksonville FL. Luckily,

I have been there before, but it was not

for me. Though they provided answers,

I'm afraid it was not a happy ending.

However, this time it will be different.

I also know whatever happens it will be

okay because God will be with me.

The closer the date approaches, I

continue to struggle emotionally. I

am not so much scared but it is a mixture

of excitement and fear. I am eager to get

answers and a solution. I fear the un-known.

What if my diagnoses is permanent? What

if they still cannot provide answers or assistance?

What if I have a bad episode and they have to

keep me for a while? What if they tell me, it is

nothing? Will they too be shocked like the medical

team during my in-patient or will they just say

they have seen it before and know how to help?

This is the un-known, I fear.

I have been hospitalized more than once within

the past six months. I have had over a dozen of

tests already done on me. Ever since I was a child

I was always scared of needles. However, when you

are so sick or out of it, you do not really feel pain.

However, one of my best counselors informed

me the best way to live life, is focus on what you

can control. If you focus on what you cannot

control, you will feel utterly hopeless. I cling

to what I can control, my perspective. In the midst

of all of this and whatever happens, I still have

a lot to be thankful for. I have a comfortable

and loving family and supportive friends. Most

of all, I have God on my side and that is all

I need.