Anxiety. A word that is flippantly used.
We use it so much that we have
grown numb to it's true meaning.
According to the internet, 'anxiety is
a feeling of worry, nervousness and
a feeling of uneasiness.
That is the internet definition.
Allow me to give you mine.
Before I walked into the building,
I began to feel it. That random,
overpowering and overwhelming
feeling of uneasiness. I then felt
extremely uncomfortable
around everyone.
I begin to battle with my flesh.
I overwhlemingly want to flee
but I know I shouldnt. I do
not want to look anyone in
the eye. I know they will see
my uneasiness. This will result
in them questioning me.
My hands begin to feel cool,
shaky and numb. My heart begins
to race causing my limbs to tremble.
I feel heat radiating from my chest,
arms and at times face. This leaves
my chest splotchy.
It is such a strong feeling, it makes
me uncomfortable to remain still. I
then begin to get an over whelming
desire to flee. I feel as if I have just
committed a horrible crime.
Feeling guilty of nothing I have done
wrong.
Resulting in this, I do not
want to look anyone in the eye.
I do not want to face the embarrassing
truth. It does not matter where I
am, or who I am with. I will still feel it.
The most frustrating thing to me,
is I cannot choose when it comes
or goes. Whenever it comes,
it feels as if my tiny body has
been smashed by a tsunami wave.
It is also frustrating because
it is still foreign to me. I do not
understand it. I do not know what
triggers it. Above all, it is a major
challenge when people dismiss
this issue from being real.
I have attempted to studies
and attempting tips in regards
to controlling it, but no luck.
I have even attended group
sessions and lessons.
Deep down, I know
the disheartening truth.
This will be carried with me
for the rest of my life.
LESSON: I do NOT have an anxiety disorder. I am NOT an introvert. I wrote this because I am human. You are human. We all struggle with something. Utilize it to help others and get closer to God.
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